Anger Relief

Research has indicated that anger is the first emotion that we learn and the last one we learn to manage. As I have shared before, I certainly have found this to be true both personally and professionally. People who are stressed are more likely to experience anger. Numerous worldwide studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels. The effect may be twofold: physical exertion burns up stress chemicals, and it also boosts production of mood-regulating neurotransmitters in the brain, including endorphins.

For me, I have found that walking my dog, Baxter, helps combat and alleviate my stress. According to an article from the American Institute of Stress, having a pet can add years to your life and reduce stress. One of the first studies in this area showed that the survival rates of heart attack victims who had a pet were 28% percent higher than those of patients without pets. Another study showed that having a pet nearby or petting an animal companion blunted the sharp rise in blood pressure and heart rate that occurs with public speaking.

As scientists have discovered, animals have healing powers. When you stroke a cat or pet a dog, you experience a surge of healing hormones and chemicals that produce feelings of peace and serenity. Healing relationships come in many sizes. Some have two legs, some have four legs, and some even have fins or feathers. Do you have a Baxter in your life? Please feel free to share your story with us. We would love to hear from you.

Posted: September 6, 2012 by

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Heroes Come in All Sizes

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17 year-old Sarah Gniazdowski wrote “Most of the Time” which pays tribute to her brother, Danny – pictured above, who passed away from MPS seven years ago. Sarah continues to make a difference in the lives of children by majoring in Special Education as she enters college this fall. In their relationship, they both played the role of the hero.

Most of the Time

Most of the time I’m fine.

I find myself caught up in the fast paced ways of the world. Always moving forward and rarely looking back. But there are those unexpected moments that in a split second can transport me to a different time . . . a time with you.

Those small gestures that can bring tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart.

Like when a little boy races up to his big sister and tells her he loves her the way you used to tell me. Or when a cute boy flashes his irresistible smile just for one trip to McDonalds.

Most of the time I’m fine.

But sometimes . . . sometimes I find myself in a whole different world. A world where I wake up every morning to Sunny D in a Sippy cup and Arthur before daycare. A world where every Tuesday night was spent at roosters with you ordering for the whole family. A world where a person can order a cheeseburger without cheese, but not a hamburger. One in which ketchup is eaten with everything. A world where on birthdays you join in singing yourself Happy Birthday. Or a world where Santa comes down the chimney the day after thanksgiving. A world in which five minutes is the universal answer for “how much longer?” One where playing outside consists of a fifteen minute session of soccer, baseball, basketball, and football. Or a world where the chicken dances refers to the tossing and kicking of a dancing chicken. A world where every day is a roller coaster with you as the highest high and the lowest low.

But mainly I find myself in a world where every day is faced with love and patience. A world where you taught me so much but understood so little.

Most of the time I’m fine but sometimes, sometimes I find myself back in a world with you.

Sarah Gniazdowski

June, 2012

Posted: August 30, 2012 by

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A Lesson on Being Worried

Today we’re going to talk about carrying our worries around…does anyone know what being worried means?

As the tale goes, a young boy named Frederick grew up in the tiny village of a Greymouth, New Zealand. He lived in a tiny shack. He worried all the time. He worried about getting his chores done so that he could go outside and play, he worried about finding friends…he worried if he was even worrying enough. And as the tale goes he worried about it raining – because every time it rained it would find its way to his forehead …drip, drip, drip…he woke up and yelled UGGGG!! He hated this. Before the next rain, he would rearrange his room so it wouldn’t leak on him, but sure enough it would find it’s way to his head — drip, drip, drip. He awakened and blurted out UGGGGG!!….. This happened over and over again. – Some say it happened for 40 days straight….each time …awakening to the drip and saying UGGGGGG!

And this got to be his automatic response for everything. Frederick you need to get your chores done….UGGG!! Frederick you need to do your home work UGGG!! .Frederick get ready, we are going to town for groceries…UGGG!! Before long his family, friends and neighbors started calling him UGG, because under their breath they’d say “here comes Frederick, UGGGG!!”

As his natural response of UGG got to be a habit..so did too carrying his rain gear wherever he went.…his umbrella, a coat, a hat, and even his boots and just for good measure he carried some worries.  He did this even when their were no signs of rain…not a cloud in the sky.

His cousin, Benjamin, grew up in a similar shack in Gladstone Australia. When it rained through his leaky shack, the rain found its way to his forehead, drip, drip, drip. Benjamin would wake up and say, “Yes!!!” He began building shoots that the drips would make their way to basins where they collected and he would bring the rain out during their drought. He’d share his basins with his neighbors who would say “Yes!!” Benjamin, get ready, we are going to town for groceries, “Yes,” Benjamin would say.  Benjamin, it’s time for chores – “Yes!!” he would say.

Unlike Frederick, Benjamin carried only peace in his heart…absolutely no worries and said “YES” to life and all it offers.

The moral of the story – we had one event – the rain – and two completely different responses. We choose our feelings. We choose how we respond to life’s events – we choose our baggage and what we carry in it.

Let us lighten our load, our baggage and leave our worries behind and remember that it’s just as easy to say “Yes!” to life and its offerings as it is to say “UGG.”

Posted: May 25, 2012 by

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Anger- Do you have your anger under control?

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Anger has been described as the first emotion human beings experience and the last one we learn to   manage effectively.  Anger can lead to aggressive behavior which has been defined as one of the most prevalent, stable, socially transmittable, personally disruptive and clinically problematic behaviors that society now faces (DeBarshy & Fryxell, 1998). Its developmental sequence and sequel is less understood than any other ‘problematic’ emotion. (Bowman, Smith and Curtis, 2003).

My interest in the emotion of anger began approximately 10 years ago when I worked in a Juvenile Court setting. I began noticing that nearly every child that came to the Court, did so with a chip on his shoulder. In their anger, I could often see a reflection of myself.

In my current position, as a licensed professional counselor of two to seven-year old children, I see the remnants of anger on a daily basis. Parents, guardians, foster parents and the children seem to have the common denominator of anger present mitigating their present course. In my research, I discovered when one feels an unfair situation has occurred, feelings of anger increase. (Agnew 1992, & Mazerolle, Piquero, Capowich, 2003) found that anger was a critical influence in the explanation of crime and deviance because it magnifies feelings of felt injury and injustice and motivates individuals towards action. This certainly made sense to me and can explain some of my own reactions to situations. Growing up, I was taught to “be fair and play fair.” When that doesn’t happen, my defense mechanisms start gearing up. Since I have not yet conquered the emotion of anger, there’s an expression that seems appropos “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” So hence the purpose of the blog – to teach a little about anger. In doing so perhaps we can learn together and share what lies within and behind the emotion we call anger. Do you have your anger under control?

Posted: May 23, 2012 by

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The Touch of a Hand

(Previously published in Purpose, March 1, 1992)

The pounding of the keys echoed in the plush office as my boredom began to set in. The balancing of millions of dollars to the penny had become a rehearsed, meaningless task. The prestige and pay were excellent, but my heart was not content.

I desperately needed a break. The tension of the end-of-the-month reports and my night classes had become an exasperating combination.

A friend and I sought relief at a nearby ice skating rink. The air was extremely cold as I skated freely on the ice, leaving an etched trail behind me. I was trying to teach my inexperienced friend some of the finer details, like standing. He had found comfort near the side railing, and I was trying to coax him to the middle when a little girl came up to me and tugged on my coat sleeve. She tugged twice. I turned and looked down.

“Will you skate around with me?” she pleaded, gazing at me with her big, blue eyes.

“Sure,” I eagerly agreed.

She reached out with her tender, warm hand and grasped my hand. The wind pushed her blond pigtails back as we skated around the rink giggling and laughing. We had skated around twice when four boys began to skate along with us.

My friend was still making his way around the rink via the rail and looked on at my newly acquired friends as we skated by.

“Hey, what are you anyway, the Pied Piper or something?” he shouted. I smiled. I glowed. I swelled. An indescribably warm feeling had come over me. My love for children had once again emerged. It had been buried like a sunken treasure chest, one which had been rediscovered.

Although I retired for the evening and found myself behind my desk the following morning, I was unwilling to forget the sense of satisfaction and warmth that had flushed through me. I was faced with a decision – a big decision. Do I give up security, comfort and money for the unknown? Do I want to face working full time and school full time as well? Do I quit my job to go into a field which will pay substantially less money? If black-and-white answers were to be found, that would paint yet another picture. But unfortunately the more questions I pondered, the grayer the picture grew.

The decision was probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make. It started very simply – with a touch of a hand. Unfortunately, she will never know how much she touched my life.

Posted: April 20, 2012 by

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