If you read my last blog post, I might have left you with a wrong impression so let me start off by saying, all things considered, I had a great childhood. I grew up in a suburban, middle-classed neighborhood where Happy and Joy were present and connected with us daily. Excited was responsible for leading the daily, outside games. Love and Joy kept track of any problems that neighbors encountered and responded accordingly.
Our school system was full of Pride where accepting responsibility for our own actions was expected, a sense of belonging was felt, rules were followed and a sense of fairness existed. My parents came to our activities with Pride and Joy, often accompanied by Worry for good measure as my mother felt most comfortable having her tag along.
Yearly, Love and Happy made sure that we connected with our extended family in Iowa. Those memories I truly treasure! And I felt Acceptance when I became a member of my church at age 12.
So imagine my cultural shock when I began working in the juvenile court system in 2001. Anger’s wrath, and fury permeated the walls and oozed from the tiled floors. Security stood guard at the entrance and guarded each courtroom as if to tell Anger that he was not welcome. But Anger doesn’t listen. It simply doesn’t function like that. In spite of the Court’s attempts to contain a child’s Anger; loud, blaring alarms often sounded and all available personnel would converge to wrestle and control it. Temporarily, Anger was seized and contained but the root of the problem still existed and was likely responsible, or at least in part, for the 25,411 referrals that were experienced in 2001 (partial picture of crimes listed below):
Murder, 3
Assault & Menacing, 1,322
Sexual Offenses, 184
Arson, 879
Aggravated robbery/Robbery, 863
Kidnapping and Extortion, 27
In addition, crimes were being committed by children 10 and under. Those referrals included:
Assault, 108
Sexual Offenses, 27
Arson, 91
Robbery, 50
Theft and Fraud, 64
My last year of employment at the court was in 2008. Anger, again – at least in part, was likely responsible for the following partial list 20,465 referrals:
Murder, 5
Manslaughter, 1
Felonious and Aggravated Assaults, 68
Felony Assaults, 91
Assaults, Menacing and Stalking, 865
Kidnapping, 5
Rape, 79
Sexual Assaults, Prostitution and Obscenity, 94
Arson, 23
Inciting Riot and related offenses, 20
Domestic Violence, 522
Carrying Concealed Weapons, 88
In 2012, based on this article – 22,000 referrals occurred at juvenile court. Clearly, we were not going in the right direction. https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/local-govt–politics/incumbent-two-others-seek-juvenile-judge-seat/ILqTtum1xV6M6PBxnNozZN/
Anger seemed to have crept and crawled into every crevasse of our society. The following sobering picture comes to my mind. Imagine, 22,000 children standing alongside one another with their arms stretched out. Based on the average height of 5 ½ feet, they would span 23 miles. And if you take into account the impact that these 22,000 crimes inflicted onto their victims and the impact it had within the victims’ families as well as the defendants’ families, the larger, bigger picture becomes painfully bleak. These statistics depict the state of affairs in ONE of the EIGHTY-EIGHT counties in ONE of our FIFTY states, Ohio. A connection crisis exists and seemingly to the degree that we have become immune to it. Each of these 22,000 referrals were children with names and their own life story. I saw the pain on their faces, the scars on their skin and felt the hurt in their hearts.
My internal yardstick began measuring my story against their stories. This was yet another humbling experience. My childhood was a walk in the park compared to the heartbreaking stories I was hearing on a daily basis. Their stories allowed me to look at my own life with a softer lens and a more grateful heart.
Having struggled with Anger as I have previously shared https://www.facebook.com/discoverytales/photos/a.388822801190872.91254.338669412872878/2014333611973108/?type=3&theater, – and knowing how long it took me to develop coping skills, heal and function somewhat “normally,” I felt a sense of urgency to proactively help the children prior to being involved with the court system.
But in order for me to pursue my “calling,” I knew I needed to find and connect with co-workers who were not only functioning in this vast bureaucratic, ineffective system but could be my guiding light. In my first week, I sought and found my confidante as well as four other co-workers that acted as my bright spots. I sought their help frequently to navigate my naïve self through unchartered waters.
WE are our society. We all carry emotions are emotions with us, it’s inevitable. When we greet and connect with others, it is important to know who you are bringing on the stage with you; Anger, Worry, Fear, Regret, Anxiety and/or Love. The decisions of how we connect daily with others impact our society, as emotions are contagious. In every encounter, as Sparky says, we can either BE the light or BLOCK the light. We choose. In every act, we choose.
Great article on how to deepen connections
https://chopra.com/articles/10-ways-to-deepen-your-connections-with-others
Below are links that you may find helpful:
A video on how babies rely on their parents for emotional support/emotional connection:
Research conducted by Search Institute that examines 40 assets that children need to succeed. Well worth a look:
https://www.search-institute.org/developmental-assets-fr
A great article on Social/Emotional Competencies:
https://www.cssp.org/…/SF_Social-Emotional-Competence-of-Ch…
Suicide Prevention:
The Stellar Way, Discovering the Star Within, is a product of years of researching, creating and testing the bibliotherapy-based curriculum. In two separate studies it was found to be statistically significant in the areas tested. It’s a reflection of both personal and professional experiences and has been designed to ameliorate anger long before it becomes problematic. The supplemental guide is coming soon!
Find this book on Amazon at http://a.co/2NS5NXn
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